Sneaky Mothering

Ok I don't know what to title this blog as I am just sitting with laptop on lap and typing. Hell I am not even sure what I will type...... (hmmm frighteneningly .. oo is that a word... my fingers are just going for it) Matthew has his up's and downs.... the latest in the lonnnnnnnnng line of downs involving every day usuage of pot, alcohol and now apparently he is trying ectasy (how do you spell it??) WHAT THE HELL!!!!!! OK sooooo I know I am totally not an easy mum to live with but seriously.... what do I do now????? OH MY FLIPPING GOD what did I not do or do wrong in bringing him up where he has an acceptance to these kinds of drugs... Am I being too over-protective... am I being intolerant. What do I do now.?????? OK, so enough whining... here is what I AM doing about it. I have told him NO NEVER acceptable. I have searched and thrown out implements for his pot smoking (actually this is and ongoing throw out...he brings them in, ... I go on a search and find mission.... I throw out) I found one of MY bottles of alcohol downstairs a few days back... a particularly nasty rum but he had it sooo I tipped in into toilet .. topped it up with tap water and put back on shelf in his room where I found it.
Now my other little angel is currently at the exact opposite to her big bro... god willing I can snap freeze her current goodlies in time for future effect. She is on a 8yr old I will be a big girl helping bender... OMG she is just soooo adorable. She would not leave the kitchen the other night until it was spotless as a surprise for me. You would not believe the job she pulled off WOW~! soooo to continue this pattern I spoiled her rotten all the next day.
My health has been a little up and down... am struggling a little with the migraines still and I have had another blockage that landed me in hospital for a few days again. UGH
But alas am home and on track again for what will be a busy busy busy month
I am filling in for 1 show only for a small one act play on the 25th Aug... I am Chairperson or Scribe for our local juvenille Eisteddfod for the morning sessions this week every morning... I am organising a vocal tuition workshops with a visiting opera singer, and then i am doing a 4 day acting techniques workshop with a travelling nida program. phew... then I think i fall in a heap ..... maybe!!

JUST A BIT OF A WHINGE

rightio sooo you are just going to have to tolerate me for a bit... it is way past pumpkin turning into stage and I am almost way past sleep.

This gorgeous kid is my matthew. Ok so the metal in his mouth is not to my liking but then again its not my mouth.

It is almost 1am here and I have been up driving around the streets and madly phoning this little cherub because he "didn't want to" come home.... fair enough I said so just give me the address details and ph numbers and I will see you tomrw... HMMM bit of a sticky point that one was apparently.... he didn't feel that he could give me those details and hung up the phone on me.... everytime I called. OK soooo I went and took some frustration out on the kitchen... thought about it for a while and then got into my car to go cruise his regular skateboarding haunts. nope no matthew and for me well I discovered that driving a car even if a little tired is a ridiculous thing to attempt. I didn't feel right about Matthew..... I felt he was again into the dope and possibly the drinking.... his eyes tonite prove I am probably not wrong.

What is a mumsy to do at this stage???? I actually sank to a new low last week and phoned the local drug dept at the police station and reported my own child. :( god I am so sad that he even feels he needs these drugs.... I have lived the past many years having needed to take a wide range of assorted drugs and pain killers just to get by and I have hated every inch of it. For me there are huge wholes in my memory and there were huge black spots in my moods and day to day copeabilities. I have finally found a medication that for now pretty much removes all of the other pain killers and I can finally see that big nasty cloud of pain and shame lifting off of me. I am slowly returning to a me I haven't been for at least 7 yrs. He has lived with me thru all of that.... I just cannot understand why he does this. Anyway..... The police were great and came around ... about the same time as Matthew showed and pretty much let him know the path he is on.

sighhhhh ok thats enough its nearly 1am and I have yet another huge day tomorrow... ermmm today

HUGGLES

C