a little light in the dark

ok I just can't cry anymore, I am exhausted, I sleep but awaken feeling like I never sleep! Matthew has gone to a friends house for a few days, hopefully he will at least detox a little and maybe attain a less cloudy view of what is going on.
Mick unfortunately is at the end of his rope, he wants to just beat matthew or take things away from him. But I am getting in the way. I don't feel that it's going to help anything if we do that but I do understand my husbands opinion. My marriage is very very much on the rocks now and I am not sure if I have the energy to fight for it. I feel like thats all I do these days, I fight matthew to get him to wake up to himself, I fight my house to make it clean, I fight my husband over my children, I fight the bank over the finances (which we are only hanging onto by a thread) I fight my parents over matthew. God I just want some quiet and harmony.
This is exactly the reason why I do musicals and stage shows. Because although it adds a new kind of pressure its a different pressure and has nothing to do with my home life. When I am onstage my home life is irrelevant to the paying audience, they are not there to hear about how horrible my home life has become or how stressed I am or my health or anything outside of the play or musical. They infact are there for the same reason as I am performing, its a form of escapism, a chance to live in a different reality for a while. A chance to be someone else and just focus on nothing but the play or musical. Its something I am good at, and do well so it always (nearly) wraps up to a happy conclusion which involves laughter and relaxation.
This is a rocky path and the only way off this path is to go back over the rocks we have already tread on to get off the road and back to that fork that took us the wrong way. I can do this and I will do this. I just hope that I don't lose my husband or my child in the process.
Thats it for today... today I am battling the house.,... I will find the floor again and I will cure it of chaos (can't have anyone over syndrome)

What do you do??

As I sit here with my laptop on my lap, tears are streaming and I just can't seem to get them to stop. My 16yr old son would (in my unqualified, mummy opinion) be a raging alcoholic and drug addict. What the hell??? when did this happen where the heck was this fork in the road and how the hell did we end up on the wrong path. As a mummy it's hard not to take your child's misgivings and problems personally and to heart. I know this is not my fault, I know I did not put the drugs or the drink in his hands. But how the heck did this happen. I have seen this coming for quite some time you know and have tried every trick known to man to alter my son's path, all to no avail. God where is Dr Phil when you really need him! (ok bad joke I know).

I am trying (perhaps a little too hard) to stay unaffected, and am failing miserably I can't sleep I can't eat and I am getting regular full blown migraines. Before you say it yes I have spoken with my GP about all of this and no it seems I am not depressed, I am just overly stressed. Hell if I get any more stressed I may well sponataneously combust.

Ok now that I have that out of my system I best go, am off to pick up my terrible teen and organise for him to go stay elsewhere for a few days which has kindly been offered as a release for me by his girlfriends mum. She will try and pick up where I have left off to see if we can get matthew's head in the right space. More soon!