Saturday, November 1, 2008

for Matty



Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Matty.... I am trying I am really trying, but right now I am just so mad at you, at the world, at the universe. I am trying to understand where you are in life and accept. But I am mad because I love you and wether you chose to believe me or not.... nothing good will come of the pattern with booze and drugs right now. Please take this time to start anew, to begin the life you deserve and be the person that everyone but you can see that you can and will be. I do love you... deeply! But you have forced my hand, I cannot and will not accept drugs and abuse in my life and in your little sisters life. This is not what I want her to grow seeing. Its bad enough that you both have a knowlegde of pain and pain relief thru my own health issues, perhaps I was wrong in not hiding those problems from you both. At the time I felt that it was important you knew and understood what was happening with your mummy.
You are always welcome to be a part of your family, but due to recent occurences its time I put my foot down and make conditions for you.
* You NEED to accept that you have addiction problems
* You NEED to accept the help that we are all trying to give you
* You really do need to relearn respect, and know your place within this household and behave in that way
We love you Matty, you know that. But none of us are capable of staying with on this path of self destruction. Because it is destroying all of us alongside you. This is breaking my heart Matty!

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