I've been tagged

Yes I've been tagged by Jen if I'm up to it. I think I can handle it, actually it' a bit of fun. Now the rules are:
* - Pick up the nearest book, turn to page 123 and copy down the 5th sentence on that page and the 3 following sentences.
* - Now tag at least 5 other people.

Ok my nearest book on my bookshelf next to my computer is "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and its all small stuff by Richard Carlson.

* - "After all, none of us likes to be criticized: Our reaction to criticism is usually to become defensive and/or withdrawn. A person who feels attacked is likely to do one of two things; he will either retreat in fear or shame, or he will attack or lash out in anger."

hmmmmmm ok ok soooo this is something I NEEDED to read right now and it is amazingly/spookly relevent to me right now. I am sure this relates to what occured during the singing lesson from hell. I fit into the first category whereas I retreated in shame and pretty much well stuck my head in the sand. I even withdrew entry from a local eisteddfod as well. Soooo after reading the whole section, I gather I need to utelize these feelilngs and direct them towards a positive. Which I will do! I have re-entered the eisteddfod and I am singing (pretty much dedicated to Jen, who shows me spirit and strength every day) I am not normally such a weak person, and I am not sure when the weaknesses in me surfaced.

For now I must tag five people but I am yet to make more than just one friend on this site, and she tagged me... Sooooo Jen ... this is for you!!

Laura is Sick : (

My Lovely little Laura is sick again, and its just breaking my heart. To explain, Laura has inherited my bowel condition sooo in basic terms she has sluggish bowel from hell. We give her a glass of bowel prep every day just to keep her somewhat normal, and then if she shows signs of a blockage or loaded bowel then I give her as much bowel prep as it takes in as short a time as possible til her output (nicer word to describe it) is clear. This is a terribly draining process on any adult body little own an 8 yr old child. Well I did that last friday ... she had in the course of one day 5 glasses of bowel prep... and I HAD thought we had it covered! If I give her a washout I will always take her to our peadiatrician for a follow appt to make sure all is ok... Which we did yesterday. Unfortunately she has major faecal loading again... sooo long story short I have to put Laura thru hell again and if that fails then she will be put in hospital for the dreaded NasoGastric tube and the bowel prep forced into her system via that. Our new regime for at least the next 10 days is 1/2 a durolax (laxative) tab a day, 4 (yes you read right FOUR) glasses of bowel prep a day, and a mini enema a day. I just feel so sad for her right now. I am so worried how her little body is going to cope with all that bowel prep for such a long time. I worry for her future and the possibility of her ending up with an ostomy. Its one thing to go through personally... but an entirely different matter when its your child. I feel horrible that I have given this condition to her (before you say it, I know I didn't do it deliberately and that there would have been nothing I could have done to prevent it.... but it doesn't make it hurt any less).

I also have this beautiful new friend Jen .. her blog is called "the comfy place" and I am not sure I am capable of putting what she is experiencing into words..... (am crying now) This gorgeous gorgeous woman is MY age and has just been told she may not live out the year! (I agree Jen... "What the?") I have come and sat at my computer for ages over the past few days when I have had a chance to try and come up with some words of wisdom, support, love.... but I am stuck I don't know what to say, I don't know what "I" would want said if the tables were turned and it were me... (I will find these words Jen, ... I promise) I want her to know even though we have just met, that I feel a strong bond of sisterhood to her. I want her to know I am here come rain or shine for her. I am just lost a bit for the words. (I know you will most likely read this...)

I want to inspire her, to send her strength and love.

Illness and the word "SICK" are such dirty dirty words... I HATE them and everything that they can bring into a persons life.... affecting not only the intended target but all and asunder around that person.

Ok I think on that (rather cheery) not I think I should go to bed... its midnight and my owl status is starting to overwhelm me.... I need sleep I think

Laura is Sick : (

My poor little baby boy

awwww my poor little baby (well he is 15 and at least a foot taller than me but he will always be my bubba) Matty had a sebacious cyst just on the crease behind his ear removed this morning. He was quite a difficult child last night as he had worked himself into a rather huge state over the whole concept of having needles and scapels attack his head. I wanted to cry for him, but alas had to adopt cold hearted mumsy approach just to keep him as calm as possible. Just before he left he looked at me (and I swear he looked no bigger than when he was a 4yr old) and asked... is it going to hurt? will I get blood on my clothes?? I just wanted to grab him tuck him up on my lap, (something which would look a tad odd right now heh hehe) and hug him til he felt brave enough to face the day. Well we went and the cysts were removed and he came out laughing (PHEW!!!!) As his appt with the dr was at the same time I had to drop his 8yr old sister off to school I had my dad take Matt to the dr and met them there. I do think the whole thing was easier for him because he had his Grand-dad with him... (ohhhh thank GOD for my Daddy). OK time to go pick little missy LaLa (Laura) up from school.... Just wanted to share!!

I survived the "almost" unsurvivable singing lesson

Hi
I wonder if anyone other than me even reads this blog. I did get yr post Jen thankyou! (just in case you come back) You amaze me you know! You have such a elegant writing style, I am compelled to read and hang on every word. OK... soooo, todays singing workshop was, as I predicted, insanely busy. Somehow I have managed to get myself nominated to be the Public Relations/assistant co-ordinator for these workshops. Tis ok! I don't mind and really it is an honour and I learn just soooo much from just sitting back and listening. I did get totally decimated during my own private lesson tho, I needed it.... but yah I crashed and burned into a big heap of flames! Nothing that was said to me wasn't true, I was hiding my inner "fears" of performing and singing behind my cheekiness (Yahhhhh I knoooowwww, tis difficult to believe that "I" could be cheeky) and banter. He was like a heat sensing missile, finding its target and blasting it into smithereens. I have been well and truly scolded and told its time to get serious. I do tend to hide behind humour if I am in an uncomfortable spot. But he's right! if I am going pay for workshops and private lessons then I need to concentrate and work at what I am there for, rather than waste everyone's time. I did have a small bleed from my ileo last night and am feeling very washed out and somewhat dizzy tonight, but I didn't need any pain relief soooo not a bad one I guess. PHEW.... disaster adverted nicely!
Alrighty I have been awake and pretty much moving for over 14hrs now soooo I think its time to tuck my weary self into bed..... hopefully you won't see me blogging again at 4am
till next time....."sooo long fair well, a veet tisane adieu, adieu to you and you and you and youuuu"

am getting way more familiar with 4am in the morning than I would like!

Hello again
Ok soooo things with my tummy settled down after a rather rough few days, and I am reasonably normal again... Tonight is a semi-rough night... as its 4am again and I am awake because my tummy is sore... not sore enough to need the ever dreaded morphine but enough to wake me and get me out of my bed. I think I am bleeding from my ileostomy again... am having a few issues with it and am having tests on the 5th of March in Sydney.
I have been flat out today, I just didn't stop (or should I say yesterday.. although I am guessing today will be just as busy if not worse) I have been at a Vocal Workshop with internationally acclaimed Opera singer David Wakeham over this weekend we had a session saturday and will be again on sunday. It is such an honour and he is an awesome teacher... I feel just soooo (bogun... no other word for it really) I love to sing, singing lifts me and my soul and helps me to retreat to a place where my world is fine and there is no pain.... NO time for pain when singing in front of people or in a choir. But alas, as a singer, I think I make a fantastic actress (LOL). Hopefully today I will do better in the group session!
Everyone partaking in the course had to sing solo (in front of everyone else ((((OMG))) was my immediate reaction, I love performing, I love acting, but HELL singing in front of people is a bigtime scary for me. In acting there are just words... there are no bum notes to worry about but singing solo well....... (for me.. a few bum notes). Well guess who got cornered in our group and dragged (yes I admit .. almost kicking and screaming at this point) up on to the stage to sing an unprepared piece of music I only bought 2 days ago. (Misty!) beautiful song but I need to practice. Confidence is a bit of a hurdle for me when it comes to singing...
I have another workshop day with him again today... it will be a long day today... I have this vocal workshop starting at 10am til 1pm then my choir rehearsals 1.30 - 4.30 then a solo lesson with Mr Wakeham.
Plus to ad to all of this Mick ... my darling one .. goes back to work at 8am in the morning for his next 2 week away stint ... he's a miner! I miss him so much when he's away... am not sure it is something I will ever get used to. He goes away to work for 2wks and (on THIS current roster) he is home for 2wks... this is the best with away and home time we have ever done but its still hard.
right now 4.30am ... time to try to sleep again... am turning into an owl!!!

3.30 am and I can't sleep.....

hello again..... its now 3.30am and I have now had 2 doses of liquid morphine, and am still not having the best of nights... I am fine when I am up and moving... but lying down in bed is entirely a different matter... My tummy is so sore tonite and I am so darn tired I just want to cry right now. I have to be up again in ooo 3 hrs to organise breakfasts and lunches and uniforms for the day. I try to not let the kids see just "how" much pain my tummy can cause, a) because its quite personal to me and b) I just don't think it would be good for them to know.
I don't really like anyone knowing, I like the illusion that I am coping and all is fine. The less stress I place on those in my world around me.... then the less stress I create in my own world.
Hell I don't even know if anyone will even read this... Rightio... I guess if I can't sleep then there is no excuse to have a messy kitchen is there.... Maybe I should organise school lunches now rather than in three hours when I am totally wrecked and most likely grumpy from all the morphine I have taken tonight... (god i hate the stuff... takes pain away yes... but ughgh it leaves me feeling ... well just plain ugh for the next day at least)

ok, so I am new to this game of blogging... so you will have to bear with me a bit, I will learn as I go I think. I am Carmel I am 38 and an Ostomate, (whats that I hear some of you say).... well basically my system can no longer eliminate waste the normal way (as that bit of me is a tad broken) sooo I have a ileostomy (a bag). I am mum to my wonderful ever challenging ever amazing Matthew 15 (you may occassionally hear me mutter a smidge about Matty... he's a teenager... I am a mum.... and at times its a bit of an interesting mix to say the least). Matt is currently going thru quite a battle with depression and I may lean on this blog at times just to exhale. I also am mumsy to my delightful Laura (lala...so named cause she never stops singing) who is all of 8 yrs old. I am married to my prince charming Michael, but he works away alot and in the end we only get to be together about 1/3 to 1/2 a year, he's a miner... His jobs worries and scares me constantly... but its a job and its what he does. I am in a bit of pain tonight, so I apologize if this is rambly, its late, I am tired, but when I lie down, I feel the pain.

Actually I might even just end this one here and try again to blog tomorrow... I like this idea... kinda like a diary only an open one that means new friendships and maybe support if I am feeling low.