Sad

I am sad, I am sad for my little boy, where did it all go wrong? he was a adorable cheeky little monkey but somewhere it all went wrong. I am sad for my marriage, because we are now at the point where the we is no more. My husband can't accept my son and I can't accept that. So guess who loses it all. I miss happy along with happy came some degree of control and understanding of where life is heading, with sad there is nothing, just this huge black hole of nothing. I am sad for my little girl whose family has been torn apart and possibly will never be repaired again, I am sad that she will have to tumble into the black hole alongside me for a while. I am trying ohhh sooo hard to hide as much of this from her as humanly possible. The pain that accompanies sad is quite great.

everyone has an opinion!

am sick of it... everyone of my friends have an opinion on how I should or shouldn't be coping or dealing with this situation. I have even asked for them to stop just back off but the opinion must be said wether I am willing to listen to it or not. I don't need opinions right now!! Right now I just need a hug and some support. Although it is felt that by giving me opinions they are helping it is in fact not helping at all and only pushing my stress higher and higher to the point where I don't listen and hold the phone away... I am going to start screening calls. Matthew do you even care just how much stress you have added to my somewhat stressful life at the moment,...I am sick of crying! But as I have said to those who feel their opinions must be heard and my husband who understandably has had enough. While there is breath in my body I will never stop fighting to get the wonderful man who is locked inside behind the fog those drugs have created. Inside is the man I know he can be who is gentle and loving and caring and intelligent and ohhhh just a beautiful beautiful heart. I am close to breaking now tho matty there may not be much of me left at the end of this fight if you are not careful... is this what you are willing to risk? Losing me, Losing your little sisters mother? I am just not sure how much more of this I can fight against mate. Please Please Please Please I am begging you Please stop and think for just one second. Just stop and breath and try to fight this. Come back to me Matthew, come back and become the person you were always meant to be!